


Shivers

by Eya_Silvers



Category: Legion (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Sexual Frustration, Slice of Life, the girl that can't be touched
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 11:37:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10098905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eya_Silvers/pseuds/Eya_Silvers
Summary: Her skin tingles like ants biting into her flesh, leaving invisible flesh wounds she can't brush away.There’s fear. There's always fear.But there’s also longing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Keep in mind that I'm not English and that I wrote this without a beta reader.  
> I want to thank the creator of Legion for the masterpiece that is this show and the characters, and say that I don't own anything, just the writing :)
> 
> WARNING: explicit smut

_Nuages qui se délitent_

_Dans un ciel balayé par le vent_

_Solitude_

_~_ Pierre Bottero

 

(Clouds falling to pieces

In a sky swept by the wind

Solitude)

 

* * *

 

 

She delicately pushes the sheets away and slips her feet into the bed, careful not to awaken David in the process. She places the pillow between the two of their bodies and rests her head on the soft mattress, never looking away from him. Silently watching from afar, brushing his skin with her gaze like she wishes she could with her hands.

Her hands.

She sets them under the pillow where it’s body-warm and closes her eyes, imagining it’s the weight of David’s hands on top of hers, thinking about the ghost of his kiss on her lips and the collision of two asteroids that were never supposed to touch -

She shivers.

It’s never cold at Summerland, and the temperature only slightly differs during the night; nothing notorious, really, but Syd is cold anyway. She won't go back to her own bunk, she has to watch him, watch over him, how peaceful he is in his sleep. His eyes are shut tight, his lips, slightly parted. He seems normal.

Not that normal is a quality; in fact, Syd loves David because he isn't trying to be normal. He tries to be himself, and that’s what matters.

She doesn't know every part of him yet and she still hasn't understood many, but she likes taking her time to figure out what person he actually is. Inherently good or bad, hot or ice, mad or sane; he’s _trying_. His past doesn't define him. The problems of his present and future are her privilege.

And she’s going to watch over him as long as it takes.

A twinge at the corner of his mouth, like a suppressed wince. He tosses slightly and she stills, ready to jump just in case he’d make a subconscious move to her but he doesn't, lost in one of the worlds inside his extraordinary mind.

Syd shivers again.

It’s uncontrollable. She's never been able to touch anyone other than herself in fear of becoming that person, and she’s almost never been this close, emotionally and physically, to a breathing living human being other than David at this very moment. Her skin tingles like ants biting into her flesh, leaving invisible flesh wounds she can't brush away.

There’s fear. There's always fear.

But there’s also longing.

She closes her eyes again, trying to relax her muscles until sleep falls down on her, but her mind is suddenly filled with hoarse moaning.

Her eyes shoot open, staring blankly at the ceiling. She hears distinctly, as if she’s reliving the memory, running into the bedroom and seeing David and this ex girlfriend together in bed, him on top of her, her legs around his hips while he feverishly thrusts himself inside her. God, she is loud. The fact that he’s sucking on the delicate skin of her throat sure doesn't help her from being quiet.

Syd bites her lower lip to prevent herself from screaming.

Almost thirty years, and she’s never been touched by a man that way.

Her anger grows as she turns her head to look at him one last time, and suddenly she’s dizzy with the want.

He’s her boyfriend. She’s his girlfriend. He’s said multiple times that he loves her and she'd go to hell if it meant saving him. He’s chased after her in the woods around Summerland, laughing and cautious, so cautious of only touching her covered shoulders when he caught up to her like a breeze.

_I want to hug you._

_I know._

_David- no!_

_But you can't_.

_No!_

_Don't touch me._

_Don't touch me!_

_Stars and a universe’s symphony before their entwined minds_

_Bodies in harmony with the world and the soul, intimate and world-crushing contact_

_Of the two lovers, the boy that isn't there and the girl that can't be touched_

 

She walks out of bed like a fury and falls into one of the showers, her hand circling her navel until she can't anymore and slips it into her night pants, rubbing over the fabric of her underwear.

She shivers again.

Her head droops backwards and she lets out a sob, tears already gathering in her eyes.

It’s like electricity running through a body of water. She can't stop shivering and sobbing, and she bites on her lower lip just to restrain herself from making too much noise.

The girl's hands roaming all over David’s back as he fucks into her, panting roughly like a maniac, his lips trailing all over her skin, touching and touching and touching her

and Syd arches up, so desperate to feel more, imagining David between her legs, imagining her hand is his and they are intimately intertwined. Imagining they can't ever be apart.

She moves her panties to the side and rubs herself directly. Scorching tears are now cascading down her cheeks with want and desperation. She doesn't have to focus to feel him, she’s always been good at reproducing things - taking over people and drawing portraits. She thinks about his mouth and his lips closing around her and she moves faster about herself in circles, furious at own despair.

Her breath stutters in her lungs and she’s unsure whether or not she’s crying anymore.

She just wants to be touched, to be filled, to be his-

“Syd?”

She stops moving and her erratic breath freezes in her throat, turns into compact ice that constricts her chest and her heart pulsing like mad.

“You okay?”

Slowly, she retracts her hand from her pants and stands up, legs shaking crazily with the ending she doesn't deserve to get. With the beginning she daydreamed she had.

“I'm here.” she says, and her voice feels a thousand light-years away from her body.

She feels him stepping closer in all naivety of what just happened. She looks up. What’s the point in hiding, this body is just an envelope like many others.

“You okay?” he repeats, reaching out to her but she drifts away, instead choosing to walk to the nearest sink and wash her hands, splash her face with comforting water.

“I’m fine.” she says, drowning her fingers dry with a towel.

“Are you sure? I heard you-”

“I’m sure. David.” she snaps. “I'm sure. In fact I'm not and I don't know how I can ever be fine, but I'm trying, and I think that’s what's important, right?”

He blinks and watches her worryingly.

“Don't read me, please.” she says, and she almost sounds like she’s begging. “Some things are better off unsaid.”

“I wanna help.”

She drops her head, sighing deeply, this burning ache still raging between her legs.

“David, you can't.”

“I want to.” He steps in closer and takes her wrists covered by the sweatshirt between his fingers. She flinches. Tries to pull away. An inch lower and he’d have met her skin. “I want to help. And whatever I can lift off your shoulders, I will.”

She shrugs like it’s nothing. “You’ve got enough issues on your hands.”

“Right now, I’ve got you in my hands.”

She chuckles before she can stop herself. “That was actually really romantic.”

He laughs with her and for a moment it feels like everything and there’s nothing else she needs more in the world - just listening to the echoes of his laugh and feeling his presence accompany her wherever she goes.

“I just want to go to bed.” she says.

He nods and rubs his tired eyelids like an illustration of her words.

“Wanna lie down with me?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll set the pillow.”

“Thank you.”

He leaves her the good side of the bed and she scoffs at this chivalry, internally melts before it.

She rests her head on the pillow, holding close to her chest the one between their two bodies like a crossline.

She closes her eyes after a time although she can still feel the burn of his gaze on her face. She wonders what he’s thinking, if he wants to touch her the way she wants to touch him. If he dies a little more every night with the reveries of his pressure on her naked stomach, holding her still, and her fingers tipping his head back, tracing Andromeda and Cassiopeia here and there.

“I do.” he murmurs.

She shuts her eyes so tight she sees stars.

“Don't.”

“Syd…”

“I told you not to read me.”

“I can't control it yet. It just… happens.”

She swears the power of his gaze will leave a red mark on her skin.

“No one can do anything about me.” she murmurs, slowly, after a while. “And trust me, I tried. Popping pills may ease the voices but they don't help with my set of cards.”

“They don't really ease the voices, they just numb me… Have you tried to turn it on and off?”

“Apparently I can’t. Doomed to die untouched, preserved like art. I’m a real life Midas.”

He breathes out loudly like he’s forcing a laugh, and he is, and it pains her. It’s not fucking funny.

“David.” she begins, and she opens her eyes only to stare back at the ice of his irises. “Would you… would you still love me if I weren't in this body?”

He doesn't talk and she bites her lip.

“I would be able to touch you, and you to touch me. We would be able to act like a normal couple.”

He doesn't talk and a thousand pounds pressure falls on her.

“Would you make love to me if I weren't in this body?”

He blinks rapidly and shakes his head, brow furrowed.

“I wouldn't - I couldn't. It wouldn't be your body. It wouldn't be you.”

“But my mind, my soul would still be there.” she goes on. “I’d be the same girl, one that you could handle.”

“Then you wouldn't be this girl. I fell in love with you because of everything about you, Syd, not just your mind, or your body, but even the particularities. I love you because of you, and I accept that.”

“I don't, sometimes. I don't, right now. I don't know how I can accept not touching you when we're supposed to… to love each other- it doesn't even look like we’re dating. Shit, we’ve kissed once, it was barely a second, and as a result I ended up killing your best friend. I call that a major fuck-up.”

“I know.” he sighs as the memory of the moment flashes back before their eyes. But then he looks at her, really looks, and smirks. “Is it bad if I want to try again?”

She hits him with the pillow.

“Yes!” she says right before realizing there are people sleeping in the room, so she keeps her voice to a lower tone. “Yes, it is. My god, David.”

“Sorry, I know I can't. We can't.”

She lets the pillow down between the two of them.

“We’re gonna figure something out.” she then says, nodding like she’s trying to persuade herself. “After all, if we’ve held on for so long, if we still love each other despite all of this, it means we’re strong. It means we can overcome everything.”

He smiles and leans forward to kiss her shoulder, close to a pulse point beating at her naked neck, letting her shiver one last time.

Their hand stays on each side of the pillow until they fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before the fifth episode of the first season came out, so obviously it's non-canonic now that I realize it !


End file.
